This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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