I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I feel like a drive thru vagina
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
