Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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