Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
