He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize