Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
