the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
did i just pee glitter
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
