So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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