it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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