WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
