it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
