They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
