never play flip cup with pint glasses
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize