I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
