how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
