with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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