Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
