I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
