I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize