I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
