Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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