I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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