6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
