We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
