well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
