And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
