just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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