Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My vagina is officially offended.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
