drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
