I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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