So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
