In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
