how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
