Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
