are you still at the devil's house?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
