I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
