11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Screwed.edu
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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