I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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