that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
