dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
