Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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