how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I need water and some morals
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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