omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
