I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
