it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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