you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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