I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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