found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
