What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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