No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
