Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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