It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
