So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Damn victory sex feels great
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
