you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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