dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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