That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Randomize
