you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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