I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
