So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
