I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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