I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
