You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
