Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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