The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
