They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
