he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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