Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
