i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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