Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
