cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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