I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
