We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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