his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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