Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
