Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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