listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
