I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
