Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
