i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Semen is not good for contacts.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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