That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
This is my gift to your gina
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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