Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize