You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
