If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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