Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
