Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she told me i tasted like america
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
