ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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