all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Found your dick twin last night
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
