i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
