i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
