when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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