he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
